Note: Episode 3 + 4 Show Notes & Resource Guides are available at the end of this entry.
As women, many of us pride ourselves on our ability to manage. We coordinate family schedules, lead work projects, maintain relationships, organize community events, and somehow keep all the plates spinning without (visible) effort. This capacity to manage is often celebrated as a strength—and in many ways, it is.
But I've been sitting with an uncomfortable truth lately: managing is not the same as stewarding. And confusing the two might be sabotaging the very things we most deeply long for.
The Hidden Cost of Management Mastery
Let's be honest about what management often looks like in practice. It's the meticulous planning, the detailed to-do lists, the constant anticipation of needs before they arise. It's the orchestration of moving parts according to a vision of how things "should" be.
Management is efficient. It's practical. Sometimes, it's absolutely necessary.
But have you ever paused to notice what happens in your body when you're in full management mode? Your jaw tightens. Your shoulders creep toward your ears. Your breath becomes shallow. Your belly contracts as if preparing for impact.
Our bodies tell a story that our productivity apps don't: management, when it becomes our primary mode of engagement with life, is a state of subtle but constant tension.
And there's a reason for this tension. Because underneath our sophisticated management systems often lie hidden beliefs: "If I don't hold all of this together perfectly, everything will fall apart—and then everyone will see that I'm not actually capable."
And sometimes, even deeper: "If I stop managing everything, I might discover that no one else is holding me either. That I'm actually alone."
This fear of isolation—of discovering that without our constant effort to maintain connections through management, we might find ourselves unsupported—can be more terrifying than the fear of inadequacy.
Management becomes our coping mechanism not just to mask fears of inadequacy, but to protect ourselves from the vulnerability of genuine interdependence. We manage to prove—to ourselves and others—that we are enough, and that we don't need anyone else to hold us.
The Three Leadership Paradigms
This is where understanding different leadership paradigms becomes illuminating. According to the servant leadership framework developed by Robert Greenleaf, there are three distinct ways we can show up in positions of influence:
1. The Egocentric Leader (Leader as Dictator)
Focused primarily on self
Puts the leader's needs first
Treats followers as servants
2. The Patronizing Leader (Leader as Parent)
Focused primarily on position
Presumes that needs are best determined by the leader
Treats followers as children
3. The Servant Leader (Leader as Steward)
Focused primarily on others
Puts the needs of the led first
Treats followers as partners
Most of us would quickly distance ourselves from the egocentric model. But the patronizing leadership style? That one hits closer to home for many women. In this paradigm, we operate from a well-intentioned but ultimately limiting belief that we know best what others need and how things should unfold.
Sound familiar? It's management in its most common form.
From Management to Stewardship
Stewardship, by contrast, is rooted in the servant leadership model. It's fundamentally different not just in its actions but in its inner orientation.
Where management asks: "How can I arrange everything according to my vision?" Stewardship asks: "How can I create conditions where everyone and everything can thrive in their own way?"
The difference is subtle but profound. One approach tightens; the other opens.
As Robert Greenleaf writes in The Servant as Leader:
"The servant-leader is servant first... It begins with the natural feeling that one wants to serve, to serve first. Then conscious choice brings one to aspire to lead."
The focus shifts from controlling outcomes to nurturing possibilities. From directing performances to tending growth. From proving worth through perfect execution to trusting the inherent capability and resilience of ourselves and others.
The Body Wisdom of Stewardship
Clarissa Pinkola Estés, in her work on feminine embodiment, speaks about the power of allowing our bellies to go loose and soft—how this physical surrender reconnects women to our deeper knowing.
This embodied wisdom points to something essential about stewardship. When we steward rather than merely manage, there's a physical relaxation. The body knows it doesn't have to armor itself against failure because it trusts in its capacity to respond to whatever emerges.
There's a quote I love: "Expectation kills magic." I believe over-managing does the same thing. When we're fixated on how things must unfold according to our plans, we close ourselves off to unexpected gifts, unforeseen possibilities, and grace we couldn't have orchestrated.
The Receiving Problem
Perhaps the most significant cost of mistaking management for stewardship is what it does to our capacity to receive.
As managers, we're constantly giving—giving directions, giving effort, giving energy, giving control. This constant output creates a subtle resistance to input. We become so accustomed to arranging the world according to our vision that we struggle to accept what's freely offered when it doesn't match our expectations.
Stewardship carries a different underlying belief: "Whatever comes my way, I have the capacity to meet it." It honors inherent resilience rather than frantically trying to prove worth through perfect execution.
This openness to receiving isn't passive. It's deeply active, but in a different way. It requires the courage to trust, to adapt, to remain flexible in the face of surprise. To steward is to hold vision while remaining curious about how that vision might manifest in ways we couldn't have imagined.
Practical Steps Toward Stewardship
So how do we begin to shift from management to stewardship? Here are some practices I've found helpful:
1. Body Awareness When you notice yourself in management mode—clenched jaw, tight shoulders, contracted belly—place one hand on your abdomen and consciously soften. Let your belly be loose and full. Notice how this physical shift affects your thinking and emotional state.
2. Question Your Expectations When you find yourself attached to a specific outcome, ask: "What am I afraid would happen if this unfolded differently than I expect?" This often reveals the fear beneath the need to control.
3. Practice Receiving Small Things Build your "receiving muscles" with simple practices. Accept compliments without deflection. Receive help without apology. Allow gifts without feeling the immediate need to reciprocate.
4. Shift Your Language Notice when you use phrases like "I need to make sure..." or "I have to control..." These often signal management thinking. Experiment with alternatives like "I'm curious to see how..." or "I'm creating space for..."
5. Trust-Building Experiments Start with low-stakes situations where you deliberately step back from managing and observe what unfolds. Like muscles, our trust grows stronger with regular exercise.
The Paradox of Stewardship
The beautiful paradox of stewardship is that when we loosen our grip on managing outcomes, we often become more effective in creating meaningful change. By treating others as partners rather than variables to be controlled, we tap into collective wisdom and capacity that far exceeds what any single manager could orchestrate.
Perhaps most powerfully, servant leadership creates something that management alone never can: authentic community. Where management often reinforces our isolation—keeping us in the position of the lone orchestrator—stewardship builds genuine connections. It transforms "I must hold everything together" into "We are holding each other."
This is why Greenleaf emphasizes treating followers as partners rather than subordinates. True partnership alleviates the profound loneliness that so often accompanies leadership positions. When we lead as stewards, we discover that we were never meant to carry the weight alone—and that true strength comes from meaningful interdependence.
As Greenleaf notes about servant-leaders:
"The best test, and difficult to administer, is: Do those served grow as persons? Do they, while being served, become healthier, wiser, freer, more autonomous, more likely themselves to become servants?"
This is the ultimate measure of true stewardship—not perfect execution of a predetermined plan, but the growth and flourishing of everything under our care, including ourselves. And importantly, not just individual growth but the cultivation of a community where no one needs to fear being unsupported or alone.
An Invitation
I'm not suggesting we abandon management entirely. There are times when detailed planning and coordination are absolutely necessary. But I am suggesting that we become more discerning about when management is truly needed and when stewardship would serve better.
Perhaps the most powerful question we can ask ourselves is this: "Am I managing right now because the situation truly requires it, or because I'm uncomfortable with the vulnerability of trusting?"
As women who have been conditioned to derive our worth from how well we manage all the things, this question can be both confronting and liberating.
I invite you to join me in this exploration of stewardship—this practice of holding our plans more loosely so that life can breathe through them. Of softening our bellies and our expectations. Of discovering that our capacity to receive—to be surprised, to adapt, to flow—might actually be our greatest strength of all.
What might become possible in your life if you allowed yourself to steward rather than just manage?
Listen to Episode 3:
EPISODE 3 SHOW NOTES
Episode #3: "The Management Trap: Recognizing What Holds Us Back"
Brief Description:
In this first installment of a two-part series, I explore the tendency many women have to control and micromanage their lives. I share a personal story of my own awakening to this pattern and introduce servant leadership concepts that offer a different way of being. Discover how the management mindset creates physical tension, disconnects us from our cyclical nature, and stems from deeper fears. This episode lays the groundwork for Episode 4, where we'll explore practical ways to embrace stewardship and reclaim our natural rhythms.
Episode Highlights/Outline:
Personal Story: Transition from Management to Stewardship [00:01:30]
Emily shares a personal story about receiving a divine invitation to soften, and how this shift brought about revelations and transformations in her relationships and work.
The Management Trap [00:04:30]
Exploration of how many women fall into the management trap and the physical toll it takes on the body. Introduction to the concept of management versus stewardship.
Introduction to Robert Greenleaf's Leadership Paradigms [00:11:30]
Explanation of the three leadership paradigms: Egocentric Leader, Patronizing Leader, and Servant Leader, and how they relate to women's experiences.
The Cost of Over-Management [00:17:00]
Discussion on how management mode can lead to burnout, disconnection from intuition, and how it impacts relationships and spiritual practices.
Embodying Stewardship through Physical Softening [00:23:00]
Emphasis on embodying stewardship by physically softening the body, and the impact of this transition on energy and openness to receiving.
The Connection Between Cyclical Nature and Stewardship [00:26:00]
Reflection on the alignment between women's cyclical nature, stewardship, and the broader vision of creating authentic community.
Closing Thoughts: Preparing for the Next Episode [00:28:00]
Emily encourages listeners to practice belly softening and awareness of management patterns in preparation for the next episode's deeper exploration.
Key Quotes:
"I felt what I can only describe as an invitation from God, this clear whisper: 'Just soften and receive today.'"
"Our bodies tell a story that our productivity apps don't: management, when it becomes our primary mode of engagement with life, is a state of subtle but constant tension."
"Management becomes our coping mechanism not just to mask fears of inadequacy, but to protect ourselves from the vulnerability of genuine interdependence."
"We've forgotten that we're not meant to be static and unchanging. We're meant to flow, to shift, to transform – just like the moon, just like the seasons, just like all of nature."
"Management asks: 'How can I arrange everything according to my vision?' Stewardship asks: 'How can I create conditions where everyone and everything can thrive in their own way?'"
"The patronizing leadership style often looks and feels like care. And in many ways, it is rooted in genuine care. But it misses something essential: the dignity and capability of those being led."
"Expectation kills magic. When we're fixated on how things must unfold according to our plans, we close ourselves off to unexpected gifts, unforeseen possibilities, and grace we couldn't have orchestrated."
"One approach tightens; the other opens. One contracts around control; the other expands into possibility. One demands certainty; the other welcomes mystery."
"When we lead as stewards, we discover that we were never meant to carry the weight alone—and that true strength comes from meaningful interdependence."
"To steward is to hold vision while remaining curious about how that vision might manifest in ways we couldn't have imagined."
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episode 4 show notes
Episode #4: “The Way of the Steward: Reclaiming Sacred Leadership”
Brief Description:
In this conclusion to our two-part series, I explore how stewardship manifests uniquely through each phase of your cycle and offer five practical techniques to shift from management to stewardship in daily life. Discover the paradox of how loosening control often creates better outcomes than tight management ever could. The episode includes a ritual practice for embodying this shift and reconnecting with your natural cyclical wisdom.
Episode Highlights/Outline:
03:32 Cyclical Stewardship Through Life Phases
09:31 "Nurturing Intuition in Collaboration"
12:25 Embracing Cyclical Stewardship
15:22 "Softening and Questioning Expectations"
20:06 Trust-Building Challenges: Start Small
24:09 The Power of Letting Go
27:07 "Open Hands, Cyclical Power"
30:15 "Embracing Intuitive Stewardship"
35:05 "Embracing Stewardship's Path"
37:27 Sacred Cycles: Embrace Your Rhythm
Key Quotes:
"Embracing Cyclical Stewardship": "One of the most beautiful aspects of embracing both cyclical living and stewardship is recognizing that stewardship looks and feels different in each phase of our cycle."
— Emily Bailey [00:03:59 → 00:04:10]
"Honoring Beginnings:": "We honor the natural enthusiasm and optimism of this phase without rushing to harvest what's just beginning to grow."
— Emily Bailey [00:06:47 → 00:06:54]
"Cyclical Wisdom in Leadership": "We recognize that effective stewardship doesn't look the same all month long and that it's not a weakness or inconsistency, it's actually the very source of our power."
— Emily Bailey [00:12:28 → 00:12:40]
"Building Trust with Small Steps": "The key to each of these experiments is to start small enough that your nervous system doesn't go into full panic, but significant enough that you're stretching your comfort zone."
— Emily Bailey [00:20:51 → 00:21:01]
The Paradox of Leadership: "That, to me, is the most beautiful paradox of all, that by releasing our need to control everything, we actually create the conditions for deeper connection, support, and belonging."
— Emily Bailey [00:26:45 → 00:26:57]
"Embracing Stewardship Over Control": "In a world that often rewards control and celebrates the perfect execution, it takes courage to choose a different path, to loosen your grip, to trust in something larger than your own efforts, and to create space for mystery alongside intention."
— Emily Bailey [00:35:58 → 00:36:16]
